I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Randomize
