Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Randomize
