So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
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unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
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honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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