I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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