Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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