apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
