I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
