I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire