its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
