as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
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Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The power of my boobs compel you
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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