You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I did not marry a roomba.
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