just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
as a side note pls kill me
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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