you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
