you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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