i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
