I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
