Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize