This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
