The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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