FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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