yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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