I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize