There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
