Define "chronic" masturbator.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
