other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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