That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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