Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I still have a little drunk in my system
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
