She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
