Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
