My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
