I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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