and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
