Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
