don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
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After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
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The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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