we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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