reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
