I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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