You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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