Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
