Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Can i not drive my cunt home
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Farmville is her only friend.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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