I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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