i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
