Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
