how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
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I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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