Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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