Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
People in love make me want to vomit
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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