I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize