took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
