im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Couch. On fire.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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