i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Dicks are not precious.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
