do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
