dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
