We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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