dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
