i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just blew my weed a kiss
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
