Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
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I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
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I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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