ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
