i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
